We are nearly at the end of January and I haven’t posted since the beginning of the month. I could have sworn to myself on New Years Eve that 2017 was going to be a good year for me. Everything was looking up, I felt more stable in my life and for once I could actually say that I was generally happy.
Just over a week ago, my dad ended up in hospital. After being rushed in for chest pains, we found out some very sad news during the time that he was in hospital. He spent nearly two weeks in there and had lots of tests done, ended up on oxygen, having a chest drain as his left lung was full of fluid. We never even thought that we would end up finding out that he had lung cancer.
I can tell you now, it’s the scariest news I have ever been told. A doctor telling you that your dad has more than likely got lung cancer and not some other lung problem that he was supposed to have is soul crushing. Cancer is something that you would never want to have in your family but here I am struggling every day since I found out that my dad has it.
He’s got a tumour in his left lung where the fluid was and he’s got it in his lymph nodes. We are awaiting a CT scan result to see if the cancer has spread to his abdomen or any other organs down in that region. We are wishing that the doctors and oncologists would hurry up and get in contact with us so that we know where we stand in regards to staging and treatment.
The waiting around is the hardest part of this whole situation I think. I hate not knowing whether my dad has severe lung cancer or whether we’ve caught it in time and it’s just early stages. I don’t live near my dad so I have had to take time off work to be at the hospital with him. Going back to work this week has been hard as I’m constantly worrying that he won’t answer the phone one day when I ring.
I’m being strong and brave for my dad though, keeping him positive and making sure that he is well looked after during the process of this. I do wish sometimes that I could rewind time and take it all back again but life does not work like that unfortunately. 2016 was not a great year for me and it appears that 2017 isn’t starting off great either so I am just hanging in there right now.
I’m not even sure why I’m typing this or if this makes sense but I did say that this blog would be for my real life as well and this is currently what I’m going through right now.
Throughout all this, I have gained a very close friend, a best friend who has been there for me whilst I’ve just sat there and talked to her about it without really making any sense, whose reassured me that everything will be fine, who I have messaged late at night whilst sobbing my eyes out and replied to me, who has given me the support that I’ve needed. Jo, you’re a star. You deal with your depression and anxiety plus other problems daily and you still worry about how I’m doing and if everything is alright. I’m very grateful for all the support you’ve given me, you’re an amazing person and I’m very lucky to of met you through Instagram a couple of months earlier. It feels like we’ve been close for years already and I’m very happy to have you by my side! Here is to facing our troubles together and to making it through all the times that we wished we could just go hide underneath the duvet and never come out